I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
