the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
