i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
