Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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