i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
