I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
