never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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