So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
