EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
