You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
