since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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