Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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