Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
