how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is my gift to your gina
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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