oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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