no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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