idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
