Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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