I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
