Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You took a bar mat shot.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
