she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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