Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
