I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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