I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
