If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
