either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
