remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
