dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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