coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize