dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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