I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I smell like Dick and happiness
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
