I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
