The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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