So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
