bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize