My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize