I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
