i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
