i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
then he tried to convert me to islam
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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