hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
