Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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