i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
