My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
