the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
