the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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