I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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