I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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