and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
