I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
