Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
