I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
