if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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