cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize