thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
