I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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