you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
