Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
