So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize