For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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