I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
