I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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