The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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