i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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