I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
