that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My penis needs a shock collar
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
