I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I lost the right to judge tonight
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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