He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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