Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize