quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
