Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
