dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
