What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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