Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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