Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize