Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize