are you still at the devil's house?
she was so not down for the gang bang
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
