I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
